he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
