you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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