he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Congratulations! We have a period
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
