I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
