found the other keg... it's in the tree
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
