I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
