I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
