Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
