She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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