so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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