In the future we'll all be gay
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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