Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
