the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
