Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Found the puke drawer
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
