Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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