I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
