if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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