i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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