my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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