please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize