I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
and you fell through a lawn chair
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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