I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
