you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
