I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
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I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
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He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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