There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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