You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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