Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
