I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize