Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
