I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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