my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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