I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
