I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
