somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
