Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
