I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
