Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
