I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
