I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
