My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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