youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
