I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
