I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
