God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
