Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
