My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
