I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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