Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Your cock deserves a montage
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
