i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
As shirtless as possible
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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