You just made me feel so damn special
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
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