when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
