u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
