I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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