good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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