he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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