evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
