so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
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You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
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I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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