Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
