apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
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It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
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Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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