He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
