Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
