i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
