its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
