i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
