So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
