Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
There's a naked man in my car right now.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
