I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
