life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
