Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I wish there were birth control emojis
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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