4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize